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Date: 20th January 2007
Competition: League
(A) Nomads 1stXI v Helsby
Result: 1 - 5
Scorers: Alston (2), Project, MC, Sutty
MoM:

Match Report By: Max Clifford

The mid-week speculation all surrounded the media treatment of the self-proclaimed "Leigh RMI midfield dynamo" and he was indeed conspicuous by his absence at training and on Saturday. The plot thickened when an undisclosed source describing himself as "close to the Leigh RMI false playing claims panel" leaked that there was indeed a "Settle" at Leigh RMI........Steve who played back in the mid-60's. The FA Compliance Unit will now decide whether playing under a false name and whilst unborn constitutes a breach of the Laws of the Game. We wait with baited breath to see whether the press pack have taken their first victim of this campaign.

Further pre-match news concerned the absence of Denz who had apparently told the Gaffer that he felt a moral duty to attend the Jade Goody Eviction Bash on Friday night. Smuff, on seeing an opportunity to exhibit his dedication to the Gaffer, anonymously contacted Channel 4 to explain that there was a suicide bomber en route and they consequently banned all spectators. Denz then spent 2 days trying decipher the train timetable and consequently missed the game (shame he's not travel agent!).

With the above absentees and Rilo also missing having recently added Archie to the growing collection of future Nomads, there were a couple of enforced changes to be made to the team that had won so convincingly the previous week. Fortunately, the Gaffer had plenty of time to ponder his team as Nomads arrived for the game with just over 6 hours to spare. Gaffers Decision - McKenzie in for Rilo and Ben "Ankle Biter" in at full back with Suds completing the now customary 5-man midfield.

Conditions dictated that the game was to be no classic, but Nomads dominated the early exchanges creating several good chances (most notably from Sutty and MC who both forced fine saves from the Helsby goalkeeper). However, it was from a surprising source that the deadlock was broken, Alston pirouetting on the edge of the 6-yard box and then rifling in an unstoppable shot. However, all of the good work was quickly undone by a quality strike from the Helsby centre forward making it 1-1 at half time but, with the elements set to assist the Nomads in the second half, all were confident that they would go from strength to strength in the 2nd period. And so it proved to be (well at least for Suds, Fitzy and MC). The dominance in midfield meant Nomads chances were created on a fairly regular basis, with the Project, Alston (his 2nd!), MC (with a typically clinical strike) and Sutty all taking the opportunity to move the Nomads goal difference into the red (+1). Another convincing victory continues the current run of good form.

One final mention must go the Project who has confessed that, having fallen out of love with the game earlier this season, has now found himself reborn and cast some doubt over whether 6 months spent travelling the world, drinking exotic beer, and shagging women who don't even know your nationality is really worth sacrificing the remainder of the West Cheshire Division 2 season for. He has therefore suggested that this be put to the public vote. To vote "Please don't go" dial 0800515151 or to vote "Chance for Mitch?" dial 0800151515 (all calls cost £7 per minute with £0.01 going to Chester Nomads AFC. Vote administered by BHCC).

Editors Note:

It has been brought to my attention by some of the more senior members of the Nomads Hierarchy (who, as we all know, take great interest in both the results and the general ‘form’ of the 1st XI, unless of course there’s something better such as ‘The Carp Show’ or similar and approved on Sky??!) that two of the 1st XI playing staff were recently in direct contravention of a longstanding (albeit unwritten) rule of Chester Nomads Association Football Club.

It was alleged that the two players in question, who cannot be named due to legal reasons and shall be referred to here only as ‘The Black Dog’ and ‘The Project’, both scored hat-tricks in the month of December and yet have failed to comply with the mandatory requirement of buying a ‘jug of ale’ for the team.

In the legal battle that ensued the spokesperson for the defence team, Sutcliffe & Co. Solicitors, pointed out that the defendants are both relative newcomers to the Nomad ‘family’ and duly pleaded their innocence on the basis of ignorance. As a result, Judge Darlo has shown leniency towards the defendants and has therefore decided against enforcing the maximum penalty available, that being banishment to Buckley Town F.C. (the legal precedent for which was set in the case of ‘The Committee vs. McNamara’, circa 2001).

However, Judge Darlo also stated that both the Black Dog & The Project should fulfil their ‘jug’ obligations at their earliest convenience AND be subject to a ‘match day fine’, the amount of which is to be determined by their peers. Furthermore, he intimated that they may well receive their ultimate comeuppance at the end-of-season award ceremony!

Yours, Ed

Date: 13 Jan 2007
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Manweb
Result: 4-0
Scorers: Riley, MC, Eden, Fitz
MoM: Riley

Match Report By: Sir Trevor Brooking

Well, the first good news of the week was that Jock was not suffering from a career threatening neurological problem after all. A tingling down one side, inability to see McKenzie sitting next to him in the dressing room and a chipped tooth ultimately forced Jock off the field in the West Kirby game the previous week. Although unable to continue in the game, he decided against seeking expert medical help once he found out about the length of the waiting time at the Countess A&E and it seems that all he needed was a period of rest and some time with his family, away from the rigours of the league campaign, to sort the problem out.

The second talking point of the afternoon was the team selection and the reaction of one of the newer members of the Nomads set-up to not being in the starting line up, the Celtic warrior Fitz going straight back into the side. The mood of the individual involved, characterised by a face like thunder in the dressing room and a lacklustre warm-up when he uttered the unheard of phrase “I might just go home”, was deepened somewhat by Sutty’s impromptu boot check, in which he earnt himself a 50p fine. There was also word from Phil Neal on the sidelines that the ex. Leigh RMI starlet even suggested that the manager has ‘his favourites’ in the team.

Now, those new and old to the Nomads set-up know that there are no ‘untouchables’ in the squad….although being Irish and black/coloured/non-white/Afro-Caribbean (delete depending on Denz’s mood) clearly helps. The team is picked on form and ability rather than anything else….there was the time when Alston got the vote over Mitchell for the Ellesmere Port game on a ‘feeling’ from the manager but that again is the exception rather than the rule.

So to the match v. the Royal Mail…aka Manweb. The opposition led by a 47yr old centre half, taking time off from staring in the ‘Toughest Pubs in Britain’ series, began well, dominating exchanges and dominating the airwaves, Nomads being their usual quiet selves. It took a awful miss from Alston to wake everyone up and soon the flowing football (up the hill for a change in the first half) were cutting the Royal Mail to pieces but despite good further chances, notably from MC & Sutty, the game was scoreless at the break. It should be noted that Sutty only contributed some 20 minutes before being replaced by Mitchell due to hamstring problem…he went off with his head held high however, as this comfortably beat his Nomads all-comers record of 90 seconds on the pitch before being injured away to Vauxhall Motors reserves in 2005 (Giggsie had several in the 2- 5 minute category!).

The second half….down the hill at the Fortress…with the wind…., with the opposition weakening by the minute – it was only a matter of time before Nomads dominance was made to count. A flying, Steve Bruce esq. header from Riley settled the nerves and broke Manweb’s spirits, and further strikes from MC (very much like Georgie Best in his pomp…toying with the keeper before dispatching the killer blow), Eden (waiting for the centre half to fall over before slotting home) and the Celtic warrior Fitz, justifying his inclusion with the 4th. MoM was Riley, for a superb all round performance. Interestingly, Riley spent games at the start of the season on the bench…..for further information on how to emulate Riley and move from squad player to lynchpin of the side, please refer to www.hownottoseeyourarse.org or Phil Neal’s self help book “Being Happy on the Bench”, available at all good booksellers. Finally, it would be remiss of this column not to mention the sparkling debut of Jezz (ex. Chester College) who after a nervous start, made some quality saves and could take goalkicks as well! It appears that the manager has spent well in the transfer window – it remains to be seen if any players will be offloaded to ‘balance the books’.

Date: 06 Jan 07
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v West Kirby Res
Result: 4-5
Scorers: MC (2), Alston, The Project
MoM: MC; Corinthian Shield Recipient: The Project

Match Report By: Patrick Barclay

As had been the case when these two teams last met in mid-September, Nomads went into this first fixture of the New Year on the back of a ‘free weekend’ primarily due to the outrageous decision of the previous week’s referee to postpone the game (although it should be pointed out that he was ably assisted by the Christleton ground staff – allegedly). It did, however, mean that the Nomads were unbeaten throughout December and duly went into the game in good form. The first point of interest was the absence of the giant ‘Tommy Gunn’ from the opposition team sheet, presumably either called away on a Tour of Duty (and no doubt still giving somebody a ‘good kicking’ as a result) or temporarily detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure. There were, though, still enough plastic scousers involved to provide the kind of opposition Nomads had come to expect, and it was well and truly ‘game on’. West Kirby started the game by far the brighter of the two teams on show, uncharacteristically from Nomads’ point of view based on recent form, and had several decent chances within the first 15 minutes. Jocko, though, was on good form and managed to thwart all such opportunities which allowed Nomads sufficient time to gradually get into the game. So much so, infact, that they took the lead with Alston finishing clinically from a yard out after The Project’s flick-on from Sutty’s corner.

A corner at the other end, though, led to an equaliser for the mickey mousers, although aided by some slack marking by the men in Amber, and it was game on again. Nomads were then to strike twice in relatively quick succession, ‘The Project’ latching onto a defence-splitting through ball and slotting the ball away calmly with the outside of his trusted right foot to make it 2 before nodding down a glorious pass [from Smithy] into the path of MC for him to finish deftly with a delicate chip over the advancing keeper. Nomads were then perhaps fortunate not to concede a penalty after what some might say was a clear foul on the West Kirby no. 10 by Rilo after sloppy defending by the usually dependable Powell. Indeed, both Riley and Powell breathed a sigh of relief at the awarding of the resultant corner while Sutty continued to argue (without even a hint of irony) that it should have been a goal kick instead!! The customary scuffle followed soon after, with several of the West Kirby personnel snarling and barking as deemed necessary, and the opposition duly bounced back off the ropes to score twice, firstly benefiting from Nomads inability to clear another corner (mentioning no names but I will provide a clue – the guy wearing gloves?!!) before equalising just before the break after good work from the referee on the right hand side allowed the striker to slot home from an offside position. There was still time for further altercation, though, with the manager of the opposition questioning the Project’s family heritage in an extraordinary outburst more suited to the playground than a senior football match – perhaps an indication, though, of the social ‘qualities’ of the opposition!!

Half time then, and while the general disappointment of the team was plain to see after giving away a 2-goal lead in such a manner, the gaffer expressed his overall pleasure at the first half performance and offered further encouragement for the 45 minutes to follow. This was duly echoed by his able assistant, Phil ‘Smuff’ Neal. One slight concern was the condition of Jocko who, having been ‘knocked into’ by a West Kirby player reeling away after scoring their second goal (and losing a fragment of tooth as a result), suggested that he couldn’t see out of his right eye and couldn’t see McKenzie (who was sat right next to him!!!). ‘That’s a blow’, commented the gaffer, before asking if the keeper was fit to carry on. Unfortunately, Jocko must’ve been so dazed and confused that he misunderstood the question and duly replied ‘yes’ when perhaps ‘no’ was the answer he was grasping for, and he duly took the field for the commencement of the second half. Whether a fully conscious keeper would have been able to do anything about West Kirby’s 2 goals in quick succession just after the re-start will remain one of life’s unanswerable questions (although probably not, in all honesty, quite as crucial as others). It was clear, however, that he wasn’t 100% fit as he declared himself unable to carry on before the ball had even hit the back of the net for the second (West Kirby’s 5th of the game)!! With the gaffer having taken a leaf out of the ‘Neil Warnock Management Guide’, there wasn’t a substitute keeper on the bench so Powell, Rilo and perhaps surprisingly Ackers all threw their hat in the ring to don the gloves. Both Powells and Rilo had the benefit of experience in such matters, but it was Ackers who was to take on the task. There were suggestions after the game that his volunteering had been a way of ensuring a full 90 minutes, having already held his hand up for the 4th goal conceded, whereas other sources pointed out that ‘losing’ Ackers from the back four as opposed to either Rilo or Powell was less detrimental to the team. Whatever the reasons, Ackers took over as ‘Nomads No.1’ with Suddsy filling in at centre back and Andy Settle slotting into the midfield.

It was widely felt that one benefit of the re-shuffle would be the increased distance achievable from goal kicks. This was soon proven NOT to be the case, however, as goal kick after goal kick was sporadically sprayed across the park at chest height! It appeared, then, that goal kicking was not that high up in the FA’s coaching manuals (if proof were needed after Paul Robinson’s exploits in Croatia) and something Ackers must surely mention in his next ‘knees up’ with Brian, Steve and the rest of the FA hierarchy. Despite this and the aforementioned disruption to the team, though, Nomads were arguably the better team. Rilo had a goal disallowed for offside before Mitch, the impact player, entered the fray and Nomads, as the gaffer had predicted, dominated the last 20 minutes in their effort to get back into the game. To Mitch’s credit, he was to have a hand in none of the subsequent chances – Sutty was caught in 2 minds after a breakaway down the right side and, with a choice of going for power or a delicate chip over an advancing keeper, he elected to pass the ball into the keepers’ chest. Settle then had a snap shot after good team work down the left side before the 2 players combined to create another half-chance, Settle threading a ball through the static defence only for an on-rushing Sutcliffe to ‘miss out’ on collecting the pass by inches. It was later confirmed that he would have had it a couple of years ago, before his days as a family man. Rilo - take note, and one can only speculate on the possible effects on Powell’s game if his wife has another ankle biter!!

The breakthrough finally came after Settle was bundled over in the box and MC duly dispatched the resultant penalty. It was too little too late, though, and the referee blew up for time soon after to confirm Nomads’ loss by the odd goal in a 9-goal thriller. Disappointing in that a ‘mad 10 minutes’ either side of half-time had cost the team 4 goals, and at least 3 of the goals were as a direct result of errors from playing personnel, but the dogged fighting spirit of the team in the face of adversity would surely provide some positives for the forthcoming fixtures. Add to that the fact that the crowds will surely flock to Boughton Hall on the back of such an entertaining game, and all is certainly not lost for the remainder of the season. Indeed, our league correspondent has pointed out that 4 of the teams in the top 6 at present are Reserve teams which could mean that 6th place in the table would be good enough for promotion to the hallowed ‘West Cheshire 1’ and, as such, there is all to play for from here on in!

Date: 23 Dec 06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Willaston
Result: 6-2
Scorers: 'The Project' (3), Alston (2), Suddsy
MoM: Denz; Corinthian Shield Recipient: The Project

Match Report By: Mike Wedderburn

The next team to take on December’s form team was the might of Willaston, a team who Nomads had succumbed to earlier in the season as part of their annual early season slump!! With the Christmas do having increased team spirit & the numerous teachers in the squad having broke up for yet another holiday, confidence was high in the home dressing room. As the team talk began, it was clear the gaffer had used his free time this week constructively by deciding to do a scouting mission on the oppo to give us clear portfolios on Willaston’s tactics, including details regarding their 5-3-2 formation & the fact that stopping their marauding wing backs was the key to the game. Unfortunately, his trip to Swansea appeared to be more for his ‘man about a dog’ antics then for the benefit of the team as when Nomads stepped out onto the hallowed turf, they were to find a 4-4-2 system awaiting them and not a wing back in sight. In fact, it was a completely different XI to that faced earlier in the season and questions need to be asked about the current scouting system!!!

Not to be flustered, the Nomads set about their task with their usual quick tempo, cutting through their opponents defence with ease. It did however take a stroke of luck to give the home team the advantage - the goal the good guys needed to help settle their nerves. After failing to clear a corner, the ball fell to Suddsy on the edge of the Willaston box and it was fair to say the opposition would be forgiven for thinking that there was little danger based on the season so far for the skippers shooting! Indeed, they would have been right as Suddsy’s strike was on it’s way to decapitating the corner flag before cannoning off their centre half called ‘Taffy’ (the gaffer’s favourite player on the oppo’s team fro some reason!?!!) and flying into the back of the net. After taking the lead, confidence rose and further strikes from the seasons unsung hero ‘The Project’ (2) and the colossus Alston (who rolled back the years with this performance - apparently although debate still rages amongst the younger members of the squad as to how true these urban myths really are) ensured a lead at half time of 4-1. The one blot on the note book was yet another concentration lapse by the team as a collective to allow their 60 year old centre midfielder to give the visitors hope with a goal shortly before the break.

The second half was all about ensuring the game was seen out in a professional manner and hopefully improving the goal difference. Within 15 minutes the game was over as Alston hit a stunning volley (yes that’s right, Alston!) and Eden completed his hat trick to climb the goal scoring charts. This was the signal to go for more goals which meant switching to 4-4-2 again with the Denz up front & Andy slotting into central midfield. Unfortunately, this change seemed to galvanize the opposition as they began to dominate the midfield battle leading to a host of chances for Willaston much to the frustration of the gaffer. Luckily, their finishing was woeful at best and they only managed to score one to give the Nomads a handsome victory.

Another victory but the final 20 minutes certainly raised eyebrows as a game Nomads should have coasted to victory was made a lot harder than it should have been. This did coincide with certain changes in personnel and time will tell as the season unfolds as to whether this was a coincidence or merely an indication of things to come….!

Date: 16 Dec 06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Ashville Res
Result: 3-2
Scorers: MC (2), Suddsy
MoM: MC; Corinthian Shield Recipient: Suddsy

Match Report By: Craig David

Following on from their emphatic cup victory, it was back to the bread & butter of the league with Ashville Reserves the next team to visit the fortress. This game was vital if there was to be any chance of relative success in the league this season as the Nomads hovered perilously close to the drop zone, although it should be pointed out that as many as seven games in hand had been accumulated on the teams around them! The cup victory was soon forgotten as the manager’s hard man approach was back, adamant that the boys definitely weren’t up for this game & that ‘we will get beat if the attitude isn’t spot on!’ Whether this was to do with the actual game or his annoyance that the Christmas-do, scheduled for later that evening, interfered with his courting of a certain young lady, well….answers on a postcard!

His methods maybe questioned but the results surely cannot be as, once again, the Nomads flew out of the traps to attack their opponents with pace & crisp passing. Yet again chances were created and spurned as the opening half-hour was dominated by the home side although the opposition were assisted by two rather dubious offside decisions by the referee. Surely the pressure would count in favour of the good guys and the deadlock would be broken. Eventually the Ashville rearguard was breached and it came from an unlikely source (no, not Simon ‘barn door’ Alston). After yet another flowing move, the creative force that is MC released the Denz down the inside right channel and his cut back fell beautifully for the onrushing Suddsy. Luckily for the Nomads, the skipper’s shooting boots were on (unlike thus far this season where his shooting conversion rate was as accurate as a certain Mr Lampard during the World Cup!) and the ball nestled into the corner of the net. The key for the Nomads was now to ensure the lead was intact going into the second half but these pint-sized scouse wannabes wouldn’t take it lying down so a big response was expected. However, like most teams from this area, this wasn’t to be done by playing football but to try to kick the opposition into touch. A series of lunges & two-footed challenges ensued, the referee showing the usual amount of leniency (more accurately ‘bottling it’). Despite this the Nomads endeavoured but to no avail as Ashville equalised with a mere 30 seconds to go with their one opportunity of the half, 1-1 at the break.

Despite this, it was important that the boys weren’t too downbeat and this opinion was voiced by the gaffer who was quick to get the boys heads up. Knowing the game would open up in the final 20 minutes, it was important to keep the game tight in the opening 15 minutes. Evidently, the team talk was quickly forgotten as Ashville took the lead within a minute of the restart – the Nomad’s concentration curse had struck again! Surely after dominating the lads weren’t going to surrender the 3 points??? The next 15 minutes suggested so and something was required & up stepped the tactical genius that is Carwyn Arnold. Andrew ‘impact player’ Mitchell was introduced to partner MC upfront with the Denz switching to a wide berth (mainly due to his inability to run thanks to the Ashville skipper, although later reports suggest this injury was being exaggerated slightly!).

With a switch to the traditional 4-4-2 of the glory days, the Nomads again started to dominate but a cutting edge was needed. The increased running ability of Mitch (compared to Alston that is) created more space for the good guys and chances were created. At times like this, it often needs one man to stand up and be counted – up stepped mercurial MC. With time running out he was Johnny on the spot to convert a rebound from Denz’s shot – 2-2. With 15 minutes to go, the Nomads sensed victory and MC clearly was eager for victory. An in swinging free kick was not dealt with by the Ashville defence and like a typical fox in the box, MC was there again to pick up the loose ball in the box & lash the ball home in clinical fashion. It was no more than the Nomads deserved despite the usual howls of ‘you nucking fuffs’ from the oppo’s sideline and the good guys stayed firm to cement a much needed 3 points to keep up their momentum.

A good day all in all, then, as 3 points ‘in the bag’ meant spirits were high and the drinks certainly flowed at the Xmas Do with not one piece of genitalia in sight (although Fitzy was absent from this years event!). The main point of note from the nights even was Smithy seemingly not content with the punishments handed out by his team mates, he proceeded to see away a further 3 glasses of wine & a pint of bitter!!! The later pool of sick suggests this was a schoolboy error by the young whippersnapper, what price the same thing occurring on the end of season trip to Swansea!!?!?!?!!

Date: 09 Dec 06
Competition: Chester Senior Cup (R2)
(A) Nomads 1stXI v Boughton Athletic
Result: 11(eleven)-0
Scorers: Denz (5 – FIVE!!!!), Andy Settle, Alston, Fitzy (pen), Mitch, Sutty, Danny
MoM & Corinthian Shiled Recipient: Denz

Match Report By: Mark Bright

Nomads returned to cup action in what can only be described as a classic David Vs Goliath encounter between the might of West Cheshire Division Two & the minnows of Chester & District Division Two. The scene was set for a dramatic cup shock with Nomads effectively in a no-win situation. With this in mind, the manager decided to take a leaf out the Benitez handbook and give the squad players a run out in an attempt to give them some much needed match practice. With Nomads ever increasing fixture list, this was a game the boys in amber certainly didn’t need and the mood of the gaffer before the game certainly suggested this. It must be noted however that this my not have been aided by Paul ‘the designer’ Smith turning up 20 minutes late (resulting in the squad being locked out of the Sealand Road pitch!), having no corner flags & the management team bringing nets that were more suited to a 5-a-side goal!!

Anyway, the team was named and the aim was clear – goals goals goals! The late withdrawal of The Golden Boy (probably on a pre-Christmas shopping trip with the Missus) enabled the versatile Denz to move from the Makelele role to an advanced position up front, teaming up with Alston and leading to immediate comparisons with partnerships such as Crouch & Bellamy, Toshack & Keegan and Morecambe & Wise to name but a few!!

The game kicked off and the Boughton aim was clear - to stifle the Nomads attack for as long as possible in order to frustrate their more illustrious opponents. Their work rate was high & their banks of four were solid as the boys in amber probed trying to get an early goal. The possession count was easily 90% to the Nomads as they controlled the game without forcing the play. The Boughton manager bellowed instructions from the side in order to keep his team organised and, with his plans worked superbly, his team grew in confidence as the half progressed. Unfortunately for them, though, their keeper & the Denz hadn’t read the script and in the 3rd minute a tame effort was fumbled and The Denz was quick to pounce – one nil! This signalled the flood gates to open as another five were added before the end of the half.

The other notable incident of the first half was what can only be described as an x- rated challenge from Smithy. With seemingly no danger at all, Smith let a simple pass from Aaron under his foot creating a possible opening for the opposition. Obviously boredom had kicked in as rather than atone for his error, Smith seemed to wait for the Boughton man to get the ball in order to crudely two foot his opponent!!! No real surprise to see a yellow card brandished by the ref, much to the surprising anguish of the Nomads No.5, although there couldn’t have been much argument had it been red!

The second half then became a case of how many, especially as the gaffer pointed out that there would be ‘sprint punishments’ if the side didn’t score at least ten (harsh but fair some might say!). The gaffer was not to be disappointed, though, as a further 5 goals were added, must notably a further 3 from The Denz making it 5 for the day & 8 for season (selection dilemma for the gaffer then on where best to employ their utility man – suggestions can be posted on www.arnmanaboutadog.org.uk!).

Date: 02 Dec 06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v FC Pensby
Result: Nomads 3-2 up at half time, match duly abandoned!!
Scorers: MC, The Project, Denz
MoM: N/A

Match Report By: Garth Crooks

Having had a week off, the Nomads returned to action against FC Pensby in what was being billed as a typical 6 pointer even at this early stage of the season. The gaffer was aware of this and immediately set about ‘getting the troops going’ in the pre-match pep talk, questioning the team’s desire & asking for them to show their true ability after a season of underachievement thus far. With everyone focused as a result, Nomads went out determined to stand up & be counted.

As usual, the Nomads looked to start with a fast tempo & get at the opposition quickly having reverted to their traditional 4-4-2 formation. Chances were duly created at will but unfortunately not converted and, in typical ‘Arsenal at home’ fashion they conceded a sloppy goal to gift Pensby the lead. Nomads needed to regroup quickly and within 5 minutes MC was through on goal with just the keeper to beat. The crowd held its breath - would he hold his nerve? Would he crack under the pressure? No chance of the latter, chance duly dispatched with aplomb, 1-1 and game on!

The home team then stepped up a gear and knew that if they continued to turn the screw there were more goals to be had before the break. Sure enough two more were added, firstly by The Project (who attempted the crossbar challenge from 4 yards out but thankfully underhit his attempt and hit the back of the net instead!) and then ‘the Denz’ (bursting clear to slot the ball passed the keeper). 3-1 up then, and with 10 minutes to go the key was not to concede before the half. Pensby hadn’t read the script though and, with just 30 seconds of the half remaining, a cross was delivered from the Pensby left & the unmarked forward headed home to give the opposition hope going into the second half.

Before the second half could resume, what can only be described as a farce ensued. Whilst the combatants recuperated in the changing rooms, the big game of the day was continuing on the adjacent pitch between the mighty Helsby Reserves and the Galacticos of the Nomads 3rd XI! During the game one of the Helsby players suffered an injury & duly walked off the pitch with what he described as a ‘broken leg’ (later medical reports have suggested that he had in fact suffered a paper cut from a rogue pre-match program that had blown onto the pitch!). With it being ‘vital’ this cup clash be completed on the day, the Helsby number 9 decided it was best that he lie on the adjacent [1st XI] pitch just to make sure the game couldn’t continue. The Pensby manager had seemingly swallowed the West Cheshire League rule book, quoting ridiculous facts from abandoned games in 1990, the referee bowed to the pressure and abandoned the game due to fading light.

In summary, a great half from Nomads but once again not able to reap the rewards for their efforts. Oh, and the Nomads 3rd XI won!

Date: 18 Nov 06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Mallaby
Result: 3-2
Scorers: Fitzy, MC, Sutty
MoM & Corinthian Shield Recipient: MC

Match Report By: Brian Woolnough

A change in the weather heralded changes in the squad. Mitchell sidelined with sore tonsils, Powelly heading to Shotton to face British Steel (massive game!!!), Sutcliffe reinstated and two new faces in Paul and Aaron added to the playing staff. Who would play? Where would they play? More importantly, how would the chosen 11 play? A return to 4-4-2 with Eden and MC up top meant that Denz headed East to the right side to accommodate Paul, with Ackers at right back, Aaron at left back and the usual suspects filling the remaining spots. Suddsy suffered two fractured knuckles in the handshake with the Mallaby skipper but won the toss to allow Nomads to play down the hill (as requested by the gaffer).

From the kick off Nomads were forced on to the back foot. Mallaby were first to every header and tackle and duly took the lead. Ackers (who at times struck the ball like he had his boots on backwards) misplaced a pass which was put into the box before a lucky ricochet curled the ball around Brett ‘Fingers’ Balac’s despairing dive. Nomads’ foothold in the game was barely that with the midfield struggling to get the passing going. Fitzy’s shouts fell on deaf ears and Denzel, with hands on hips in despair, muttered something sounding not dissimilar to ‘flacking gel’ on numerous occasions. Mallaby attacked once more - corner, free header, 2 nil. The 3 points were packing their bags for the journey back to Wirral and the piano chord rang out clearly as the famous fat lady awaited the opening refrain. But cometh the hour etc.

That man was their captain. Probably called Macca or Kev and playing at the back, he sloped forward to take a free kick, where upon there was an exchange of pleasantries with Eden followed swiftly by a head butt! Macca duly saw red and, on removing his shirt whilst stalking the touch line, revealed his ‘rippled’ physique - complete with 8 pack - and abused any and every passer by. Even Tom chose not to ask what his name was (although he did say he liked him). This incident galvanised the hitherto lacklustre nomads and after Sudds blazed over, Fitz smashed a cross into the roof of the net on the stroke of half time. The lack of a key to the away changing room left old Macca (who obviously sees a lot of red) and his comrades seething and so they kicked at doors and walls and shouted some very choice phrases whilst Arnold did similar. The team, meanwhile, knew that Nomads needed to up their game and were reminded that there was quality (and Alston) on the bench.

Seconds out, round 2!! The second half began with both sides trading yellow cards. Drew must still be wondering how he didn’t see red himself for a tackle which showed a touch of the Brambles. The gaffer then shuffled his pack, with Jeffsy, Alston and Sutcliffe all introduced. The play improved as a result of Jeffsy’s and Sutty’s influence and as time ebbed away Riley was thrown up front to try and salvage a point. Then, after a long clearance from Brett, the left back bizarrely decided not to clear it and lost the ball to Riley who crossed for MC (who had been outstanding throughout) to slam the ball home. 2’s each. The back four was re-established and a point was settled for. End of. Fitz (who hadn’t read the script), though, chased another forward ball and was hacked down – Penalty shouted the crowd, except Tom who shouted ‘Muppet’. Not given! Free kick, and over strolled Ackers who wasn’t every ones choice to deliver the crucial kick. However, in the ball went, up rose Sutty, 3 – 2 to the good guys and game over! Scenes of jubilation for the Nomads and the local Hippy who had obviously enjoyed a chemical snack and was later escorted off the premises.

Performance or points? Points definitely, but the performance must get better. Hats off to MC for MOM and the shield, the first ever double award, and Fitz did well too. The rest can improve.

Date: 18th November 2006
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Mallaby
Result: 3 - 2
Scorers: Fitzy, MC, Sutty
MoM:

Match Report By: Anon

A true "Battle of Boughton Hall", this match was not for the faint hearted (nor for anyone wanting to watch some entertaining football - apologies to the 3 such people who attended). In a bid to end an awful run in the league, the gaffer made some changes to the starting XI and, perhaps most surprising was the inclusion of Andy of Leigh RMI fame(!?).

From a Nomads perspective, the first half was, and is, best forgotten with Fitzy's glorious 20-yard strike the only decent touch we had all half. One other moment of note was the Mallaby skipper head-butting "The Project" right in front of the referee leaving the referee no choice but to brandish the obligatory red card. Half-time 1-2 down. Needless to say, the gaffer had a few harsh words to say in the interval (as did, oddly enough, the whole of the Mallably side who were locked out of their dressing room, thus adding to the good-natured spirit within which the game wasn't played).

Despite playing against 10-men, the second half did not see a vast improvement from the Nomads and it wasn't until the 75 minute (and the entrance of all three of the strong Nomads subs) that they came into life when good work from Rilo down the right flank and an inch perfect cross allowed MC to level matters.

A grandstand finish it wasn't but Nomads did finally start to assert some pressure on the Mallaby defence. Right at the death, Nomads should have been awarded a penalty but the referee took the easy option and awarded a free-kick on the edge of the box. Ackers stood up to take it (despite cries of "Ackers is sh?t, get MC on the ball" from a source who has requested not to be named as he has just entered fatherhood) and put in a delicious cross to the far post which was powerfully met by the head of Sutty to force home the winning goal and a valuable 3 points.

The win was all-important although further improvement is required to establish mid-table safety before Christmas.

Date: 11.11.06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Maghull Res
Result: 0-0
Scorers: N/A
MoM: Suddsy; Corinthian Shield Recipient: Denz

Match Report By: Danny Fulbrook

After last weeks emphatic victory had ensured a safe passage into the semi-finals of the West Cheshire Bowl, it was back to the ‘bread and butter’ of the league for this bottom-half-of-the-table clash. Three of last weeks squad were unavailable though – Curly had gone back home to take part in the annual Isle of Man kipper-catching contest, Jeffsy had been offered the opportunity to fulfil his ambition to go travelling (all the way to Newcastle), and Ackers had been summoned to Soho Square in an attempt to motivate the FA hierarchy. As a result, then, Powells & McKenzie were both brought back in ‘from the cold’ and Alston was reinstated into the lone striker’s role (though the use of the term ‘striker’ with reference to Alston shouldn’t be wholly relied on as it’s formal definition suggests ‘one who scores goals’!!). The one ‘casualty’ from the Manweb game was Smithy – one can only speculate as to whether the manager’s decision was swayed by ‘The Designers’ below-par performance in washing the kit??!

With a very strong north-westerly cross-wind, it was obvious that the blustery conditions were always going to be a significant factor in the game itself, although on the positive side it did help to dry out the kit just before kick-off!! Suddsy won the toss and elected to play down the infamous slope during the first half, and Nomads immediately sprung into action. Each player had been given specific military-style instructions by the gaffer prior to the game, and each endeavoured to carry out their orders according to the master plan right from the off. As a result, Nomads dominated the first 20 minutes of the encounter and carved out 5 or 6 chances of note, including long-range headed opportunities for ‘M’ and several one-on-one chances for the Project. Unfortunately, though, a combination of uncharacteristic finishing and a visiting keeper in somewhat inspired form meant that Nomads were unable to capitalise on their early dominance. Maghull gradually found their footballing feet, then, but could create nothing more than half-chances at best against a resolute Nomad back-line marshalled by Brett ‘fingers’ Balac, and it was Nomads who continued to carve out the better opportunities, but again without troubling the scorers.

Nils each at half-time then, but the encouraging words exchanged in the changing room suggested that more of the same would reap rewards eventually. Indeed, the best chance of the game was to present itself minutes after the restart – a wind-assisted throw from the boy Powell was flicked on by.…you’ll never guess who….and met ‘at full pelt’ by The Project with a seemingly unstoppable diving header. Miraculously, though, and perhaps not in the true spirit of the match, the Maghull shot-stopper managed to get something in the way to maintain scoreline equality. The Maghull side seemed to gain inspiration from their escape and began to exert more and more pressure on the Nomads defence, carving out several decent opportunities. The back-line held firm again, though, and the remainder of the match ebbed and flowed from end to end as both teams searched for the breakthrough. Again, it could be argued that Nomads created the better of the chances that followed, most notably a cross-come-shot from Mitchell which flashed across the goal mouth and a free header which Alston did well to clear well over the bar.

All efforts were in vain, though, and the game ended 0-0. A rare result for the Nomads, infact only the third no-scoring stalemate since the start of the victorious 2003-04 season (mystery prizes on offer to those who can confirm details of the other 2 fixtures – answers on a postcard to the usual address, or log on to www.degsy's_air-show_memories.com and follow the relevant links). That said, the third clean sheet of the season was at least one positive to take from the game, and a point was enough to keep Nomads from propping up the table after Pensby’s shock victory at Willaston.

Suddsy was afforded the man of the match award by the opposition, the fifth such-award of the season for a player obviously inspired by wearing the armband, and the much coveted Corinthian Shield was presented to Denz for the second time in 3 weeks. Shortly after the presentation, the gaffer announced that he had to go and see a man about a dog – AGAIN – and left the club presumably to start plotting for the next big game against Mallaby. All spectators welcome as ever – log on to www.smithy’s_kitwashing_guide.co.uk for further details!

Date: 04 Nov 06
Competition: West Cheshire Bowl R2 (1/4 Final)
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Manweb
Result: 7-2
Scorers: MC (3), Denz (2 - pens), The Project & Fitzy
MoM: Denz; Corinthian Shiled Recipient: MC

Too Big!!

Match Report By: Mark M. Orrison

With the boys clearly boosted by the ‘return of the MAC’ - yes indeed Gerry Mac - they decided to put on a stirling display for the former Buckley Town & Nomad leg-end. With the gaffer having almost a full squad at his disposal and 16 players present, all vying for a place within the allowed match-day squad of 14, he clearly some important decisions to make and several issues to resolve, one being whether or not he would pick himself and another to ensure the appropriate naming of his subs. He didn’t, and he didn’t and, furthermore, whether Powells and McKenzie actually recover mentally from the resultant decisions remains to be seen!!!.

The Nomads set-up using the tried and tested formation of 4-4-2, which meant a slight re-shuffling of the pack. Curly was welcomed back into the left back slot with Ackers reverting to right back, Mr Versatile and Mr Motivator all in one - hey. The nomads took a strangle-hold on the game right from the off and were desperately unlucky not to take the lead immediately with the creative players in the team carving out openings galore!!! It’s a pity that the best of the chances fell to Mitch (wearing his understated new boots), although on a positive note he was able to show that he had finally mastered Curly’s training-ground party piece, albeit at a somewhat inappropriate time.

Anyhow, and perhaps typical of the Nomads, they surrendered their grip on the game after an over-zealous challenge by Denz resulted in a penalty to Manweb, 1-0. Harris then had the opportunity to make amends, though, when the good guys were themselves awarded a penalty thanks to the aerial prowess of Dan Riley whose header, while destined for the top corner, was handled on the line. 1-1, with Manweb reduced to 10. MC then put the Nomads in the driving seat courtesy of his... well you know what... Let’s just say a few lesser lads in the team would have struggled to get on the end of it. Yock mate - you'd have been proud. Good pressure from The Project then gave the ‘Boughton Boys’ a 2-goal advantage, despite being hacked at by the Manweb net minder. As is the case on most Saturday afternoons with the Nomads, the level of the opposition's intelligence is always in serious doubt, and this afternoon was no different. Let’s just say that none of the Manweb boys are bright sparks. Rather than letting the goal stand, they wanted their keeper to be dismissed and a penalty to be awarded instead!!. Smart - I don’t think so.

THE moment of the game, at least the moment most talked about, was yet to come though - the awful, ghastly, atrocious (pick your own description) miss executed by MC. With the goal at his mercy from fully 4 yards out, the keeper already well and truly beaten, almost dead and buried actually, no pressure, a simple tap in - surely game, set and match, MC managed to shank the ball at least 5 yards wide.

This gilt edged miss gave the opposition not only something to laugh at but also some impotence. They pulled a goal back thanks to another, some might say dubious peno, though in my eyes as it was Smithy involved definitely a good decision by the ageing ref. Pressure back on? - no chance! The lads were just keeping in tune with the decision to keep Nomadic faithful warm with excitement, especially Giggsy on his day release. MC duly completed his hat-trick, despite his low confidence after that gleeful miss, flashing a fine left foot finish past the "keeper". Game over effectively then, but still a chance for some other Nomads to get on the score sheet. Denz was to covert another peno, after the madman between the sticks attempted to get sent off again by hacking down Eden for a second time. The best goal was saved until last, though, with some nice intricate passing leading to Fitzy finding the top corner with a cool finish to send the home fans into chants of Easy... Easy... ...!!! In summary then, good game, good result, shocking miss by MC and an early contender for first man barffing at the chrimbo festivities.

On behalf of all the staff here in the Editor’s office, I feel I must apologise for the recent match reports submitted which, though factual and concise, are somewhat lacking in the comedic sense which has become a trademark of the other journalists involved.

I find it somewhat surprising with particular reference to the report for the match on 21 October, the journalist for which is usually never short of a throw away line or humorous comment. Indeed, it has often been argued that he perhaps talks too much on occasion (never, I hear you say??!), and yet it could be argued that the report is lacking in any comedic value.

I feel I must also point out that time constraints were not a factor for either the aforementioned report or for that for the game on 28 October – both writers were beneficiaries of a week off at the time of writing, having both been afforded a well deserved week off after having been back to work for at least 6 weeks since their last extended vacation.

I can only apologise once again, then, for the any offence caused and am hopeful that normal service will soon be resumed.

Yours, Ed

Date: 28 Oct 06
Competition: Cheshire Amateur Cup (R2)
(A) Nomads 1stXI v Ellesmere Port
Result: 2-4
Scorers: Jeffsy, Rilo
MoM: Suddsy; Corinithian Shield Recipient: Denz

Match Report By: Suddsy

Nomads welcomed the return of Andrew Fitzgibbon who has been absent from the side since late August but were missing the illustrious Mark Crossan in the centre of the park. Simon Alston got the nod up front ahead of Andrew Mitchell.

Both sides started well with the away side applying the early pressure and creating a couple of early chances, but it was the home side who struck first, against the run of play with two strikes on the half hour mark. Nomads struck back before half time when a floated free kick was ‘elegantly’ lifted over the keeper by mike Jeffs to put the nomads back in the game. The sides went in 2-1 at half time.

Ellesmere Port added a third just after half time when the visitors failed to deal with a cross that was eventually turned in. A fourth was later added against the run of play as keeper Bret Ballack ‘miss kicked’ a clearance straight into the path of one of the opposing midfielders who duly returned the favour by lobbing it over him from the half way line. The away side 4-1 down despite having the better of the play. They got a goal back when Dan Reilly got on the end of a well weighted free kick, delivered by debutant Sean (??).

The game finished 4-2 but did not reflect the hard working performance put in by the boys. The biggest cheer of the day however went to Dale Harris who entered the field of play to rapturous applause from his visiting family. ‘Denzels’ inspired performance led to him receiving the Corinthian’s shield for his performance.

Date: 21 Oct 06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Heswall Res
Result: 0-2
Scorers:
MoM: Denz; Corinthian Shield Recipient: Mitch

Match Report By: Cliff Michelmore

The day started well with beautiful sunshine and a pitch reminiscent of that of Wembley – although without corner flags – which were later stolen from the adjacent pitch where the Vets were playing. The order of the day was points, points, points with a return to league fixtures from the sanctuary of the cup runs.

Some of the players seemed to struggle to tell the time with 7 players late for the 2pm meet – including the manager and ageing libero, Powelly who was an unprecedented 24 minutes late incurring a whopping £2.40 fine. This lackadaisical start continued in the changing room where the atmosphere was dead –pointed out by the gaffa in the pre-match team talk. In light of last weeks unconvincing victory the gaffa returned to a well trusted 4-5-1 formation, however with Alston unavailable again, the opportunity was given to Mitch to lead the line with Jeffs and Eden returning to the flanks. The selection of Mitch was received by a fit of giggles from the players! which for a proclaimed ‘confidence player’ was not the response the number 10 was looking for!!! Biggest news of the day was not Arnold placing himself on the bench due to the absence of Drew (who picked up a groin injury in training) but the miraculous return of the deep-voiced, strawberry blond midfield Irish enforcer – Fitzy along with brand spanking new boots.

The match started well for the Nomads who had the better of the first half, looking relatively solid defensively and working hard in the midfield. Nomads in truth should have taken the lead but a good save by the keeper from Mitch’s low shot and a header over from MC, which he knew he should have done better with, were the two best chances of the half. The half time team talk from the gaffa centred around the need to keep winning the battle as well we knew the plastic scousers were up for a tussle on and off the ball. Suddenly Akers – top man in the F.A – piped up with a passion filled rant about the need to maintain a positive mindset and a need to dismiss the negative comments filling the dressing room. He asked for players to unite and drag each other through the game. On asking the gaffa to confirm the good recent form of the 1st XI in their last 6 matches Arnold proceeded to rattle off the stats and threw an extra one in for good luck! – 4 wins, 1 draw, 2 losses.

Out for the second half the nomads trotted with a regenerated spirit, which showed in the first 10 minutes, with good possession and pressure. The silky smooth passing, which is usually a trademark of the team especially in training, was once again not being replicated on the pitch though, with players holding on to the ball too long and a lack of quality with final ball in the last 3rd. As seems to be the way this season, the ball was just not dropping for the amber army and as has been the case all season spirits were destroyed as a long ball over the top seemed to brush over the fashionable haircut of Akers and fell perfectly to the Heswall centre forward who duly scored – a sucker punch. It was obvious for all to see that onlookers (with the exception of the usually ever-present chairman – Darlo) were watching a team who had the lack of belief that their relegation league position suggests and it wasn’t long until Heswall scored a second from a quality delivery into the box. Even with the introduction of Fitzy with 25 minutes to go and Eden pushing upfront with the hard working Mitch, Nomads just never looked like scoring.

A special mention needs to be made to the non-communicative referee who refused to justify any of his mind-blowingly bad decisions. Alan shearer this week on Match of the Day spent a whole program commenting on bad refereeing, if he had watched this game he would have needed 2 programs!! The fat man in the middle managed to miss (more like turn a blind eye) a whole catalogue of off the ball niggles and poor challenges that are the trademark of cheating Wirral sides. He even booked Dan-the-man Reilly for a feather light touch on the chest of the filthy centre midfielder of Heswall after a 2 footed late challenge on the in form centre-half that could easily have received a red. Overall another defeat for the Nomads with players scratching their heads and asking the question – when will the bad run in the league end?

Date: 14 Oct 06
Competition: Chester Senior Cup (R1)
(A) Nomads 1stXI v Hoole Rangers
Result: 3-1
Scorers: Eden (2), MC
MoM: Powelly; Corinthian Shield recipient: Dan Riley

Match Report By: Martin Samuel

And so to the 3rd cup match in as many weeks. The Nomads made their way to the backyard of Upton AA to meet Hoole Rangers, members and reigning champions of the Chester & District Premiership. Little was mentioned of the 6 – 0 thrashing dealt out during pre-season as the sun shone and Denzil enjoyed the hockey!! As a small argument erupted between the fines committee and Jock over a tracksuit ‘issue’, the gaffer sat quietly in a corner, eyes glazed and beaming. His year 10’s had apparently beaten The World XI 2 – 1 earlier that day and, though he clearly didn’t want to talk about it, the story was duly hoisted onto any available ears……goose bumps……tear to the eye….etc.etc…!

With Alston unavailable through a combination of shock at winning the much-coveted Corinthian Shield and impending fatherhood, the main issue of team selection would be who was to play up front? Mitchell may have been the obvious candidate, in that he apparently purports to being a centre forward, but he was away with ‘Big Mike’ on a ‘cockernee rhyming slang for beginners’ course in the Big Smoke. The manager, then, returned temporarily from cloud 9 having obviously consulted the Steve Mclaren book of tactics to instigate a 3-5-2 formation with Jeffs and Eden (+ spot) to play up front. It was perhaps a surprise that the gaffer had chosen such a formation for this banana-skin cup tie just 3 days after the pitfalls of such a formation were plain for all to see during England’s dismal display in Zagreb, and critics might well have suggested that the sole reason was to accommodate the returning Ackers, perhaps in exchange for a steady supply of FA coaching gear??!! That said, who could question the judgement of the mastermind behind Sutton High School’s finest hour??!?

From the first whistle of Jeffsy’s father-in-law, the footballing traffic was one way. The marauding wing backs, Powelly and Danny (the latter struggling with the weight of 2 numbers on his back from the start of a game), got forward regularly. The midfield trio of Denz, MC and the Skipper, earlier referred to as ‘the magic 3’ by the gaffer, passed the ball around like it was training on the astro farm. Sure enough Eden (+1) popped up to fire the good guys in front. Phrases like floodgates…..sound thrashing….double figures were heard from the assembled crowd of 3. If only……….Another cutting passing move instigated by Denz and the Skipper resulted in the Hoole centre back hacking down the twinkle-toed MC for a well deserved penalty. Powelly, who was still forward in his attacking role, promptly slotted said penalty wide and, with that, the stuffing seemed to have been knocked out of the Nomads and the initial spark and cut seemed blunted. Hoole (who collectively had more bionic knee supports than Delgado’s kit bag) came into the game but despite the obvious pace of the Hoole centre forward, his second touch was invariably a header or a foul, which meant he was easily dealt with by the big 3 at the back.

At the mid-point more of the same was asked for, and was duly delivered after the re-start. More slick passing, good movement and solid tackling, but unfortunately more wayward finishing. Even MC’s magic couldn’t unlock the door. With time slipping away, the inevitable happened and from a long throw which wasn’t dealt with by the back 3, the Hoole sub poked the ball home. Extra time meant the abandonment of 3-5-2 in favour of a regular 4-4-2 formation with Ackers switching to left back, much to his obvious delight as it had always been his ambition, and Jeffsy wide right in order to be nearer his father-in-law. Nomads’ extra fitness and all round superior quality allowed them the last chuckle as MC bundled the ball home in the first extra period before Ackers picked out Eden (whose spot was now requesting a squad number??!) to seal the victory. Not before time, a red card was brandished to the Hoole centre forward for persistent sh*tness before Smuff and Mcguckin entered the fray to mixed fortunes. The former failed to get a touch, although he was wide open on more than one occasion, whilst the one-time Irish Hurdling champion (who had proudly worn his 1990’s-issue Ireland tracksuit top on the sidelines) was struck by a free kick which left him prostrate on the edge of the box!!

To conclude, whilst the overall performance wasn’t vintage the possible banana skin had been avoided and the ‘cup hat’ still contains the illustrious Nomads name. Rilo was the worthy recipient of the Corinthian Shield whilst Powells was awarded the Man of the Match award by the opposition, which some might have argued was perhaps more to do with the fact that he was stood next to the gaffer when the Hoole manager was asked for his opinion. Others, though, and the footballing purists would point to his mercurial range of passing which, on another day, would surely have led to any number of assists!!

Date: 07 Oct 06
Competition: West Cheshire Bowl
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Heswall Res
Result: 3-0
Scorers: MC, The Project, The Golden Boy
MoM: Suddsy; Corinthian Shield recipient: Alston

Match Report By: Trevor McDonald

After yet another premature ‘mid-season break’, the next opposition to arrive at ‘The Fortress’ were the might of Heswall Reserves. Confidence was high amongst the troops after the recent record was read out ‘pre-match’ by the gaffer - P6, W4, D1, L1 – promotion form some might say!!!! With this and the bitter taste of defeat to the same opposition earlier in the season still fresh in the minds, Nomads were keen to continue their impressive form. If this wasn’t incentive enough for victory, though, the massive kitty of £11 & the award of the inaugural Corinthians shield to the MOM would be enough to spur any man on!!!

So to the game, and with Suddsy his usual charitable self (losing the toss on purpose for the tenth week running!!!), Nomads kicked off shooting up the famous Nomads slope. A tightly contested first half showed very little incident as the famous Amber shirts looked compact and composed on the ball whilst the Heswall team looked slightly flustered, their continuous stream of long diagonal balls failing to breach the Nomads rearguard. With the Nomads playing the better football, it was no surprise when it was they who broke the deadlock & it was a usual source that did the damage. A long throw from Powelly was met by the evergreen Simon ‘the chest/flick on’ Alston, the latter of his key attributes proving decisive, as his header looped to the back post & was met by the dynamic MC who buried the opportunity in clinical fashion. The chants of ‘what drought???’ echoed round the pitch from the season’s best crowd of 10!!!! So one-nil to the good guys, which is how it remained until the break, and the team talk from the gaffer simply asked for more of the same.

The second half began at a much more frantic pace with the energy of the Nomads midfield getting a firm grip on the game much to annoyance of the opposition players, particularly the No. 7 who seemed irritated by either the obvious ability of the men in amber, or his apparent lack of it!! It was no surprise then when he was shortly withdrawn just after the 2nd, and crucial, Nomads goal, coolly slotted home by ‘The Project’ – seemingly shrugging off his continued anger at being played wide left rather than his preferred striking role, and duly adding to his goal tally for the season.

he remainder of the game was more about how big the winning margin would be as Nomads continued to carve out chances. For once the excellent MC wasn’t his assured self as several gilt-edged chances went begging, although he is to be applauded for spurning one such opportunity as it prevented Andrew ‘the goal machine’ Mitchell getting on the score sheet. A mere 5 yards out and ready to tap into an empty net, Mitch was left open mouthed as MC flew in from nowhere with a great last ditch clearance to hook the ball wide much to the delight of the Nomads contingent. It was then left to the Golden Boy to show the older generation how it was done by putting the icing on the cake with a 3rd goal in injury time. Another victory then, and all that remained was for the much anticipated presentation of the dual-MOM awards. Suddsy got the nod from the opposition, presumably for his good will on the pitch, and duly received the brown envelope in his boot for his efforts. Perhaps more importantly, though, would be the Gaffers’ chosen recipient for the Corinthian Shield and, to the surprise of many of the eagerly awaiting squad, it was Alston whose name was announced!! (Note: not a typographical error, it really was Alston!!!).

Hoole Rangers are next on the hit list in the Chester Senior Cup – an interesting tie in prospect, given the pre season encounter earlier in the year which resulted in a 6-0 Nomads victory. What price a similar score line this Saturday????? One final post-match issue of note, though, relates to the post-match comments of Danny Delgado who, after winding in the perimeter rope, proclaimed that the task was ‘harder than w*nking’!!! An odd choice of phrase, it has to be said, and one can only remind the team sloth that Degsy, the Christian king of the air-show, was banished from the club for similar comments made last season!

Date: 23 Sep 06
Competition: Cheshire Cup
(A) Nomads 1stXI v Middlewich Town
Result: 3-2 (aet)
Scorers: 'The Project', MC (2)
MoM: Denz / MC

Match Report By: Patrick Barclay

This 1st round match of the Cheshire Amateur Cup was a welcome break from the weekly pressures of the league, though would by no means be an easy task against last season’s winners of the Mid-Cheshire League who were also leading the way once again this season, having not been beaten in their first 6 encounters. To add to the complexity of the matter, the gaffer was unable to attend due to somewhat mysterious commitments back in his homeland. He had, however, sent his 1st choice XI and suggested formation to his assistant by means of a carrier pigeon, apparently the most up-to-date means available, with instructions to go out and enjoy the experience. The squad was also buoyed by the presence of Sutty, drafted in as caretaker manager for the game, so all was not lost. There was to be a minor setback, though, as McGuckin failed his late fitness test, leaving the caretaker manager and the assistant with several problems just before kick-off, the main one being the hastily scribbled amendments to the team sheet!!

Rilo was drafted in to replace the unlucky Irishman, somewhat ill-prepared after a relatively sedate warm-up, in a 4-5-1 formation with Denz (back from his ‘working holiday’, and certainly looking like he’d caught the sun!!) in the ‘Makelele’ role and Simon ‘The Chest’ Alston playing as the lone front man. The formation proved to be a master stroke by the gaffer, with the home team unable to build anything of note through the middle and therefore limited to long ball tactics. Nomads were first to strike, then, ‘The Project’ adding the finishing touch to a well worked cross-field move with a fine left footed shot. Middlewich were quick to strike back, though, the diminutive striker rising above the leaden-footed Delgado to head in direct from a corner. Jock’s shouts of ‘Refereeeee’ seemingly fell on deaf ears, and it was one a piece. The scorer, incidentally, had earlier suggested that the Mid Cheshire League was subject to different rules than other leagues and was a ‘cut above’ the West Cheshire. One can only guess, then, what he’ll be doing on 2nd round day!!!

Despite the set-back, Nomads stuck to their game plan, restricting the opportunities for the home team and remaining patient in their own build-up play. A second goal was just reward, the mercurial MC jinking past the Middlewich defence and rifling his shot beyond the hapless keeper. The lead was once again short lived, though, as the home side capitalised on perhaps the only bit of space that had been afforded to them in the midfield to send a through ball past a somewhat static back line for the striker to slot the ball past the advancing Jock. A similar chance was to follow soon after, but this time Jock employed a tactic similar to that of Barthez against Di Canio which allowed him to make a vital save. 2-2 at half time then, and it was obvious from listening to the Middlewich changing room that all was not going to plan for the home team. In contrast, the Nomads’ caretaker manager simply asked for more of the same while Ackers displayed his knowledge of the English language with a team talk consisting of expletives at every other word!!!

The second half continued in much the same mould as the first, though in fairness it was the home team who created the better chances. Jock was in startling form between the sticks though, keeping out all the opposition could throw his way including several one-on-one chances, and it was to remain 2-2 after the 90 minutes. Subsequently, and to the obvious delight of one or two of the more senior players in the Nomads ranks, the referee confirmed 30 minutes of extra time. It was duly agreed to defend against the wind for the first period, assuming Suddsy could win the toss. This proved not to be the case, however, unless of course Suddsy had actually won the toss but decided to let the opposition choose ends as yet another gesture of goodwill?!! Nomads were to benefit from the decision, though, as MC struck again midway through the half to give Nomads the lead for the 3rd time. This time, though, there was to be no way back for the home team as the Nomads defence stood firm despite the inevitable onslaught from a desperate Middlewich Team, and passage into the 2nd round was duly secured. Happy Days!!

Ellesmere Port represents the next challenge to the Nomads in their quest for Cheshire Cup glory, with ‘The Port’ drawn at home for the fixture on 28 October. Kick off is at 2pm, and the police have recommend getting there early to avoid the rush??!!! Having said that, one would suggest that unless the gaffer includes a few more cricketers in the starting XI then the Nomads crowd is hardly likely to swell the Ellesmere Port coffers!

Date: 16 Sep 06
Competition: League
(A) Nomads 1stXI v West Kirby Res
Result: 1-2
Scorers: Jeffsy, (Sudds & Powelly - ogs)
MoM: MC

Match Report By: Martin Samuel

Due to an unfortunate error by the League’s fixture secretary, Nomads had been afforded a ‘free weekend’ prior to this eagerly awaited fixture. Having to wait an extra week to build on the heroics of the Capenhurst game, then, was not ideal preparation, though a friendly fixture against Cheshire U.18’s had kept the squad ‘ticking over’ in the interim period. It did mean, though, that the Denz was unavailable, jet-setting to sunnier climbs to top up his tan. ‘Every cloud…’ though, as the saying goes, with Mitch being the major beneficiary of Denz’s absence to make his first start since the horrific injury picked up in the opening encounter of the season. The only other enforced change to the ‘capenhurst crusaders’ was in-between the sticks, with Brett deputising for Jock.

The opposition line-up consisted of the usual mix of snarling scousers, though with one player in particular standing out – ‘Tommy Gunn’, a big, bruising old-fashioned centre half, either on weekend leave from the Marines or day release from the local detention centre. It must be stated that he was perhaps not the most gifted footballer to grace the West Cheshire stage, although I doubt whether his ability had ever been questioned to his face??!!! With such a dominant figure on the field, then, the game was never going to be one for the purists. In addition, the appointment of the ‘Anti-Nomad’ referee (S. Groves, aka ‘tit’) meant that it was obviously going to be a difficult day for the men in purple! The first half consisted mainly of scuffling exchanges, neither side really able to stamp their authority on the proceedings, until Nomads broke the deadlock minutes before the break with a well taken goal from Jeffsy after good work from the in-form MC.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the home team came out with all guns blazing in the second half (not literally, although ‘Tommy’ looked as though he had experience in such matters??!), laying siege to the Nomads penalty area in search of an equaliser. Suddsy was doing his utmost to appease the referee, helping his decision making whenever possible by appealing on behalf of the West Kirby players. Perhaps fitting then, albeit also unfortunate, that he was to have a hand in the equalising goal, bundling the goal into his own net after another West Kirby free kick had caused unrest in the Nomads defence. At 1-1, then, it was the home team now looking to press home their dominance in pursuit of all 3 points.

After soaking up all that West Kirby could throw at them, however, it was Nomads who were to work the best opening of the game as it drew to a close. MC was once again the architect of the move, seizing control in midfield before dazzling the home defence with his trademark ‘hot shoe shuffle’ - riding challenge after challenge, he ‘danced’ his way to the bye line before rifling a low cross towards Jeffsy at the far post. It was surely a formality that Jeffsy would stroke the ball home, but NO – whether he was thinking of getting a bigger exhaust or perhaps a new set of ASW alloys for his ‘Dream Corsa’, only Jeffsy knows, but something caused a momentary lapse in his concentration and the ball effectively passed him by, duly striking the foot of the post and rebounding out to safety.

It seemed inevitable, then, that the game would end in an honourable draw but unfortunately West Kirby had other ideas. During their final attack, a cross from the right somehow managed to elude the outstretched feet of 3 Nomads defenders, and the ball fell rather fortuitously to the feet of a West Kirby attacker. In a desperate attempt to block the shot, though, Powells could only succeed in deflecting the ball away from its original path and the team could only watch in vain as the ball, seemingly in slow motion, looped into the unguarded side of the net. Powells could be heard shouting a term not dissimilar to ‘clucking bell’ and as the final whistle blew almost immediately after the resulting re-start, before Tommy had even had time to reload, Nomads found themselves with nothing from a game in which they had scored all 3 goals!! That said, the gaffer was the first to admit that the home team perhaps deserved the victory. The opta stats would certainly suggest the same, though perhaps the most interesting statistics were the pass completion percentage of Mitch (12%!!) and the time taken for Delgado to take off his mechanical knee support!!!

Date: 01 Sep 06
Competition: League
(H) Nomads 1stXI v Capenhurst Villa
Result: 3-2
Scorers: MC, Alston, Jeffsy
MoM: Jeffsy

Match Report By: Martin Lipton

After 6 away games on the bounce the 1st XI finally had a game at ‘the fortress’, though there could hardly have been a tougher opponent for the start of their home campaign, ‘The Cape’ (aka Capenhurst Villa) being the first visitors and arriving whilst sitting proudly at the top of the Division. The General, then, knew he would need a ‘special’ kind of inspiration to spur on his team. His solution was nothing short of genius - introducing the Northern Cup winning side of the 70’s, The General knew that ‘harking back’ to the ‘good old’ glory days would do the trick as each member of the squad sat listening in awe as he regaled them with tale after tale of days gone by. There was surely no better way to inspire his men, and everybody knew this game was going to be a big one!!

To the game then and the gaffer was yet again forced to make a couple of changes, Smithy being unavailable due to work / exam commitments and Sutty involved in a multi-million dollar business transaction not dissimilar to that of Richard Gere’s character in Pretty Woman. As a result, Drew was welcomed back into the fold along with ‘The Project’, back to full fitness after his Bicep Fermoris injury. The visitors included the legend that is ‘Jordan’, a man who can do no wrong in the eyes of the Capenhurst staff, and Sideshow Bob at left-back. With the words ‘concentration’ and ‘battle for the full ninety minutes’ having been drummed into the players, Nomads set about their task right from the off and it was plain for all to see that the home team were up for this one. Taking advantage of the famous Nomad slope, the pressure was put on the league leaders straight from the first kick of the game, and all the talk on the side line was that nomads surely needed to capitalise on their early dominance. Sure enough, the breakthrough wasn’t far away. After a great battling win in midfield from the inspirational skipper, the ball broke to MC who in turn attempted a delightful one-two with Alston – much to MC’s surprise, he got a half-decent ball back from the burly centre forward and duly found himself free inside the 18-yard box. With the shout of ‘you’re in’ from the gaffer, there was only one outcome as MC opened his account for the season with a precisely hit ripper into the top right corner: 1-0 to the good guys.

It would be no exaggeration to suggest that the home team were well on top – with Drew back to his best, winning all that came his way in the air and on the floor, and Suddsy keeping the Cape’s captain ‘Jord’ at bay, a neutral bystander may well have thought that the Division 2 table was upside-down. A second goal was soon to follow then, with one of a succession of corners eventually paying off - Jeffsy ‘drilled one in’, a flick-on (though not, surprisingly, by Alston!!) found its way to the ‘fox in the box’ (that would be Alston to others?!) and the nomads secured a 2-0 lead. Not only was everything looking good on the pitch, though. There was a pleasant sight on the side line with the re-emergence of Mitch just before half-time, looking like the latest member of Boyzone with his tight white top. He proceeded to remind everyone (especially Arn) that he would be back for the 16th September, to which Arn replied “I don’t know who the seconds are playing that day Mitch”.

Back to the game, and it was always going to be a tougher half playing up the slope - the pressure was firmly back on the other foot and Jock was forced into several good saves during the opening exchanges. The frustration was starting to show on the opposition, though, especially from the manger of ‘The Cape’ who was growing more and more frustrated with the referee’s refusal to reprimand Jock for time-wasting. Indeed it was a master class from the experienced Scot, ‘The Cape’ eventually having to employ their very own ball-boy for behind the goal!! The away team were finally to get back into the game in the shape of a penalty for handball, although replays suggested there could have been a push on the offending defender. Further pressure was to follow, the corner tally for the visitors increasing as rapidly as it had done for the Nomads in the first period, but some dogged defending and several crucial headed clearances from both Ackers and Drew meant Nomads’ lead remained intact.

The gaffer then changed formation in a bid to stem the tide, Denz reverting to his ‘Makelele’ role in central midfield and Jeffsy pushing out to the left. The resultant 4-5-1 formation couldn’t keep the equaliser out, though, and the visitors were soon back in it at 2-2 and had a ‘smell’ for victory. That wasn’t to happen, though, as this was going to be a day when the victorious Nomads team of the 70’s wasn’t going to have all the glory to itself. This was to be a time for the 2006/07 Nomads, time for someone of the newer Nomad Generation to make a name for himself. Cometh the hour, cometh the man (well, Jeffsy at least) and after great battling by MC again to win the ball, he duly waltzed past the Capenhurst defenders with the grace of Rogers & Astaire before setting up the inform Jeffsy to stroke the ball home. The crowd went wild with chants of ‘we are staying up’ audible for yards around!!. All that remained was for Jock to wind down the clock and wind up the opposition, and the divisional leaders had been toppled. A well deserved win, then, and certainly a performance to build on – The boy Jeffs may have got the opposition’s vote for MoM but many would agree that MC was back to his match-winning best, and Nomads will surely be a force to be reckoned with if he maintains this kind of form throughout the season. Indeed, it would appear that news travels fast around the West Cheshire scene as FC Pensby duly cancelled their scheduled trip to ‘the fortress’, obviously fearful of playing against a player in such startling form. As a consequence, the Nomads now have a 2-week break before their next match (having played 7 games, 6 of which were away from home, within the first 3 weeks – fixture secretary take note!!), but it will surely be the hosts, West Kirby Reserves, least looking forward to the game, whilst Mitch scratches around the depths of the Chester & District League begging for a run-out!!

Date: 29 Aug 06
Competition: League
(A) Nomads 1stXI v Halton (Gen. Chem)
Result: 2-4
Scorers: Sutty (2)
MoM: MC

Match Report By: Danny Fulbrook

After the 1-1 draw against Maghull, confidence was relatively high going into this midweek clash against Halton, this despite being perilously close to the drop-zone. The pre-match preparations were far from ideal, though, with most of the squad held up by some ‘bint’ in a black Vauxhall who appeared to have run out of petrol on the approach to the Runcorn turn-off from the M56!! One can only assume that the referee too had been held up in similar circumstances, although it might just have been that he had to wait for his opportunity to escape from the old people’s home in order to officiate??! There were to be 2 changes to the playing personnel who had started at Maghull - Ackers came in for Drew, the latter still struggling to shake off the calf injury which had caused his early departure from the field on Saturday, and Sutty was ‘drafted in’ to the midfield with Smuff unavailable. Perhaps the most notable ‘additions’ to personnel, however, were to be seen in the spectator gallery. Cuts & Kerfoot were in attendance to cast their experienced eyes over the latest squad, their presence bringing the total number of Nomads Managers in attendance (past & present) to 4 – a ‘gaggle’ of Managers if you will! Furthermore Mitch, who to his credit had been in attendance at every game since his horrific injury, was nowhere to be seen, presumably having the colour of his cast changed again to match his new jacket!!

To the game, then, on a pitch which was in notably better condition than for the corresponding fixture last year and therefore more conducive to a passing game as opposed to a ‘hoof & chase’ approach!! The opening exchanges were fairly even, the 2 nippy and skilful Halton forwards (in contrast to Nomads’ 1 nippy & skilful forward & Alston!!!) keeping Nomads’ defensive line on their toes while several slick Nomads moves caused problems for the home team. The breakthrough, though, came from a series of err